Mary Sue 2: Spawn of the Sue
by Enlee
Summary: House and Mary Sue have spawned! A sequel to There's Something About Mary Sue. In case you haven't noticed, this is a parody. Please R&R!


"Hello everyone!" Mary Sue called as she pushed the double stroller containing the twins through the lobby of the hospital, House limping in behind her. "I'm here with my impeccable spawn!"

"Hello, Mary Sue," Cuddy greeted. Wilson stood by and beamed at the sight of two toddlers. "Hello, House. I see the Kayla and Greg Jr. are doing great."

"Well, what can I say?" House said, looking down at the twins. "Of course my Mary Sue and I would have twins. I have great sperm!"

"And I have great eggs and a great womb!" Mary Sue grinned proudly at her husband. "Plus I lost all the baby weight in two weeks and don't have a single stretch mark."

Cuddy ignored their self-satisfied grins and said, "Kayla is looking more like her Mommy every day. And Greg Jr. is the spitting image of his Daddy."

"He's got a little cane of his very own," House smirked. "Mary Sue made it. Those wood shop classes sure came in handy, isn't that right, honey?. My perfect son be able to use it once he learns to walk."

"Oh look!" Cameron called across the lobby as she, Chase and Foreman walked up to greet the family. "They are so adorable."

"Yes, they are," House agreed. "No ugly, handicapped, or average kids allowed in my fanbrat universe. Only the cutest and most sublime kids for my perfect Mary Sue. Greg Jr. is going to grow up to be a world-renowned doctor just like me, and Kayla will be a Nobel Prize winning scientist after she finishes her reign as Miss America."

Chase gave his boss a quizzical look. "Perfect? What about you? You're handicapped, addicted to pain killers and the biggest prick anybody could ever hope to meet."

House glanced over at his underlings. "Well, it's not my fault. I'm just written that way. Back to my wonderful and brilliant children; they said their first words yesterday."

"Did they really?" Cuddy kneeled down in front of Kayla and tickled her chin. "What did they say?"

"Okay, kids, " House bent over to look at his children. "Tell everyone what Daddy's favorite thing in the whole wide world is."

"Hookers!" the toddlers shouted gleefully in unison.

"No, not that. Daddy's other favorite thing."

"Vicodin!"

"Yes, they're his kids alright," Foreman muttered.

Wilson looked over at his friend. "I thought you didn't like kids."

"I didn't," the diagnostician replied. "Then I met the Mary Sue Impeccable Utopia Jones. Now she can't pop them out fast enough. She's pregnant with triplets now."

"Seriously?" the oncologist gaped.

"Yup. Like I said, my sperm is da bomb! Now we just need to think of some ridiculous names for the upcoming brood, like Kaygreg or Pippa. Gosh, look at my perfect Mary Sue, the perfect blonde baby factory. Who could ask for anything more?"

But Greg," Mary Sue said with a slight frown. "Do you think my pregnancy will interfere with my intention to run for President of the United States?"

"Nonsense, honey," House reassured his wife. "It's in the bag. America is tired of having old guys run things. It's time we had a hot chick in the White House. When you're on the campaign trail while nine months pregnant and looking like a blimp, shaking hands, making empty promises just like every other candidate, I'll stay with the kids and stare at Cuddy's ass and ta-ta's."

Mary Sue kissed her husband on the cheek and said, "Sounds like the perfect plan, darling."

"Only the best for my flawless angel." House kissed her back.

"It's been fun," Foreman said, turning to the elevator, "but you two are making me ill with your disgusting, sickening public displays of affection." He choked down the vomit that was rising in his throat before he said, "I need to get out of here before I fall into a diabetic coma."

"I'll go with you." Chase, who was turning a little green, ran up to join his colleague. "I can't stand it anymore, their gooey perfect love is too gross to endure for long. Let's go see if the flesh-eating virus has eaten that guy's arm off yet."

"Twenty bucks says he doesn't have any fingers left," Foreman was saying as the elevator doors closed.

"Honey, I need to get started on my campaign," Mary Sue said. "I'll be home until late tonight."

"That's fine, darling," House said and smiled at his children. "I'll watch the kids. Cuddy, Cameron, would you two like to come by and help babysit?"

"Sure!" Cameron squealed enthusiastically.

House held up a finger. "On one condition."

Cuddy frowned. "What sort of condition?"

"You two make out and I get to watch. You don't mind, do you my sweetums?"

Mary Sue, Perfection Incarnate, smiled at her husband. "No, darling. Whatever makes you happy. Just make sure Kayla has her teddy bear at bedtime

"But House, we're not lesbians," the Dean of Medicine argued.

"You are now," House declared, handing her a stack of Cuddy/Cameron fics.

"Can I watch too?" Wilson broke in, looking hopefully. "I promise to be quiet and bring some pizza."

House smirked at his friend and said, "Change a diaper or two and you have a deal." He turned to the female doctors. "You two coming along or what?"

"But wait...," Cameron protested.

"It's not going to kill either of you to be lesbians for one night," the diagnostician grumbled, herding them all towards the exit. Then he turned to his wife and said, "Hurry home, sugar dove. My life isn't worth living without you!"

"I'll try, my super-duper studmuffin." Mary Sue gave him a goodbye kiss and was out the door.

And so the sun set on another perfect day in the perfect lives of Mary Sue and Gregory House.

–The End.


End file.
